I am no fashionista. I am not a stylist. I may even know less than you; however, this process for me is about the journey. And boy, has it been one heck of a road-trip!
I was born into the world nothing short of oblivious. The youngest child in a family of put-together people -- I was different. I was just "me." Advertisements, parent's desires, expectations, and even what my classmates wore to school -- I never cared. To this day, I don't know why. In elementary they had to force me to brush my hair and clean up. I threw on clothes much like a boy would with little regard what I was putting on my body. That doesn't mean my mom didn't try. I have many pictures where I look like I haven't brushed my hair in weeks, and just as many where I look like a doll dressed up to match my brother and sister.
In elementary my mom would wake me up to go "get ready" an hour before we left for school. What she expected me to do in this time -- I had no idea. I wasn't a fighter so I compromised. I remember getting out of bed as she asked where I would walk and enter the bathroom making sure to quickly lock the door. I would then brush my teeth, turn on the heater, and lay down on the furry rug until she said it was time to go. I didn't want to fight with her. As long as I was in that bathroom sleeping, both of us were happy.
As we got closer to middle school, many of my friends would spend an hour or more "getting ready" before cheer camp or a tennis match. My idea of getting ready was taking a shower and pulling my hair into a slick ponytail the night before waking up ready to walk out the door. I knew it was more "normal" to be like them. I just never cared enough to do it. Aside from my mother's voice every now and then, I really felt almost no pressure to be like these other girls. If I did have cute clothes, you can bet my mom or grandmother was behind it. Again, I never resisted, was easy to please and didn't care enough to have an opinion. I just went along with them and wore what was bought for me.
The 80s melted away, and I call myself blessed to have grown up in the 90s. The 90s were a rebellion of the 80s in my mind. I would have never survived in a decade where you had to genuinely spend hours doing or teasing your hair or caking on makeup. I did begin appreciating "pretty things" but really have no memories of putting pressure on my mom to buy clothes. I'm not saying it never happened-- I did want a pair of Doc Martins forever -- but I wasn't close to a typical girl. Even in high school I took little preparations for school. My morning routine pretty much consisted of eye shadow and mascara and took a total of 5 minutes. I "scrunched" my wet hair, slid gel through my wet locks (I did love that "wet curly look"), and ran off to school.
I attended 6 formal dances in middle and high school and I never took an interest in deciding on the dress. My mom would take me shopping. She'd tell me her opinion, and I'd just state it back. One year my sister and her friend, Stephanie, put 2 inch nails on me and did my hair and make-up really boldly for this natural 90s girl. Like always, I didn't resist. I offered myself up as their creation and went to the dance. I don't know how to explain it. This is just another example showing that I genuinely didn't care. I was thrilled to go to the dance. The end. That was enough. I remember for another dance, my mom in the middle of Dillard's saying "I really like this one. Do you?" I'd confirm her opinions and out we go. My mom also picked my senior prom dress on a whim (seen below) too. We weren't even looking for dresses when she saw a dark navy little sequined Anne Klein dress. "This would be perfect for prom!" She said. So we tried it on and off we went. I don't know how many girls try on one dress when preparing for prom, but that was me. I didn't care about my shoes, accessories or anything. I think this stressed out my mom at times… how could she (a woman who was always so put together) have a daughter that really did not care at all and had no opinions about her clothing?
My eyes were forced open in college. I could no longer wear what was bought for me. I had to pull this off on my own! I showed up in the heart of preppy Edmond, OK at a private university and I did not feel like I blended in. Lawton, OK styles were very different than the upscale looks there. I was lost. I had nice clothes (thanks to massive shopping trips with my grandmother), but I didn't have basic skills -- like how to layer clothing or create outfits. I remember one day a very put-together girl and I wore the same shirt. She had hers layered beautifully with 2 separate tanks and gorgeous necklaces. It made my outfit look modge-podged. Its probably one of the only times I cared, and I was embarrassed. I realized there was an art to this and I had never paid attention to know its secrets. That freshman year is probably the first time in my life where I started trying to blend in and be fashionable. As an almost 6 foot tall girl, boys were actually noticing me for the first time and that may have encouraged the interest in clothes and make-up as well.
I would like to say something "clicked" during my last 2 years in college but really, fashion just moved in a way that I related with. Sleek, simple styles were featured at The Limited -- which was my favorite store. Solid shirts were popular and paired with solid pants or skirts. I could do this! Fitted v-neck shirts (my favorite shirt pictured above) were paired with fitted pants. Everything was easier to match up. The look was simple and streamlined. And for once, I started making sense of things. As my husband's and my relationship turned into a marriage, my mother (once again) picked my dress--my wedding and bridesmaid dresses. I liked several dresses, but didn't feel strongly about any of them -- they all kind of blended together in a cloud of white. I had no sense of style or vision of what a wedding dress should look like. There was no Pinterest to get ideas from. Since I wasn't knowledgeable, again, I didn't care. Luckily my mom has good taste and it all worked itself out.
After we were married, I realized something was different about me. I remember one of my sister-in-laws referring to me as "barbie" because I had curled my hair and dressed up for an event. The idea of comparing me to Barbie caught me off guard. I was genuinely stunned. No one had ever referred to me as "polished" before. Was it because fashion now made sense to me or maybe it was because I was no longer surrounded by and compared to those put-together Edmond college girls? Maybe I just felt more comfortable being "me" stepping outside of that private (and very conservative) university… I'm still not sure, but "dressing myself" has never been a problem since.
From then on, I was a buying machine. I bought anything I liked with no regards to style.
If I liked a preppy shirt but don't have anything to go with it? Bought it.
Found a shirts on sale for $5.00? I'd buy it in every color.
Really digging the funky vibe of this shirt? Totally mine!
Fashion forward outfit that I'll never be brave enough to wear? Bringing that baby home!
A pair of pants 2 sizes too big? Sure, what a steal!!!
And after 10 years of living this way…. I am now in my current dilemma. My drawers, closets, and house is overflowing with MY clothes. I've forgotten about most of them. And the pieces I do have can't be mixed and matched because they are such varied styles
-- I have built a closet for 10 different people with 10 different styles…
I like all these clothes. But there seems to be no unity between them.
Should there be unity in your clothes or is this normal?
Can your wardrobe be more like costumes where you treat everyday like Halloween?
I think I will be preppy today. I think I feel like being glamorous tomorrow, and I will wear business wear the day after that… Yes- this method describes my wardrobe best.
Is it normal to feel like now, at almost 37 years old, I am finally determining my style?
I don't know the answers to these questions.
I don't even know if there are answers to these questions.
So I've been doing okay in adulthood. I like the way I dress. I'm no fashionista, but I'm not totally off the grid, either. My biggest problem - I just have too much!
I have recently been introduced to Stitch Fix, an online style consulting company. I researched them, signed up and thought -- thats what I need! More Clothes!
Just kidding.
I thought, "Maybe this will keep me out of stores and make me be a little more focused on what I actually put on my body. Maybe they will really take me under wing and advise me as I have always wanted." (Stacey and Clinton never responded to my emails :) )
My 2015 journey is about finding myself. What do I actually love? What clothes can I not live without. Can I purge this closet filled with clothes? Can I stop the habit of buying things I don't need or don't love?
Well, the jury is still out.
Goals:
1. To establish a cohesive collection of clothing that represents "my" style -- whatever that is.
2. To purge all clothing in my closet that I do not love or want to wear. If I don't want to wear it now, I won't want to wear it later.
3. To not have regrets about purging these items. To let go of any insane emotional ties I may have to these articles of clothing I never wear.
4. To invest in less clothing, and only buy clothing I feel more passionately about and WANT to wear.
- My dream styling can be seen on pinterest here:
http://www.pinterest.com/alyssahenley/shop-4-me/
- My current closet of items can be followed on pinterest here: My challenge is to wear every item in my closet and prove I like it, or purge it.
http://www.pinterest.com/alyssahenley/my-2015-fashion-challenge-to-purge-or-not-purge/
I've decided to blog the journey. Mostly for myself. My pinterest board will become a virtual closet of what items I own and help me decide what I love and need vs. what can be purged. Follow me if you want. 36 years in and we're just now getting to the good stuff!
